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How to decline a rishta proposal politely

3 min read

Reply promptly, keep it short and kind, thank them for their time, and say clearly that you will not be taking things forward. You do not need to list reasons. Avoid criticising the person or their family, and never leave someone waiting in silence.

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Why a clear no is kind

Waiting without an answer is often more hurtful than a gentle refusal. A clear reply lets everyone move on with dignity and keeps relations between families warm. Declining is a normal part of the process and says nothing bad about either person.

Sample wording from a family

Adapt this to your own voice and relationship:

  • Thank you so much for visiting us and for your warmth. We have thought about it carefully together and feel this is not the right match. We wish [name] and your whole family every happiness and hope our paths cross again.

Sample wording to the person directly

If you have been speaking directly, a short personal message is respectful:

  • Thank you for the conversations we have had. I enjoyed getting to know you, but I do not feel we are the right match for marriage. I wanted to tell you honestly rather than keep you waiting. I wish you the very best.

What to avoid

If someone asks for a reason, a simple, honest and general answer, such as feeling that your outlooks differ, is enough.

  • Criticising appearance, family, job or background.
  • Giving false reasons that may cause confusion later.
  • Ghosting or delaying for weeks.
  • Sharing private details from the conversations with others.

Looking after yourself afterwards

Saying no can feel heavy, especially if your family liked the match or the other person was kind. It is normal to feel guilty or uncertain for a while. Remind yourself that an honest no protects both people from a marriage that was not right. Take a short break before considering new proposals if you need one, and talk with someone supportive about what you learned for next time.

If they do not accept it

Repeat your decision once, calmly. You are not obliged to keep discussing it. If messages continue in a way that feels pressuring or unsafe, stop replying, block the contact, and on shaadi.si you can report the member.

Frequently asked questions

Should I give a reason?

You do not have to. A brief, honest and general explanation is fine if you want to give one, but avoid detailed criticism.

Who should send the message?

Whoever has been the main point of contact. If families arranged things, the family contact usually replies, ideally with the person's agreement.

Is a text message acceptable?

For early-stage contact it is common. After a family visit, many prefer a phone call. Choose what feels respectful for the relationship.

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General information only, not legal, financial or religious advice.

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